Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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