i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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