dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
