This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize