im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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