he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think my moral compass just broke
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