I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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