i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
