she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
