Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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