i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
