Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
