just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
