yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
