I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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