so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize