just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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