wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
