It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize