you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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