how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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