I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
