I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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