the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Randomize
