Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
