I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
