How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
