I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
