question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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