Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes

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(310): View more from California

While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?

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(609): View more from New Jersey

im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...

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(302): View more from Delaware

Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning

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(562): View more from California

I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks

(504): View more from Louisiana

Specially the ones that look like Goldberg

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(925): View more from California

I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.

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