Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night

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(502): View more from Kentucky

How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast

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(651): View more from Minnesota

okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.

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(989): View more from Michigan

Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.

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(914): View more from New York

Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.

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(323): View more from California

My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”

(317): View more from Indiana

I hope she gives him gonorhea

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