I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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