Banned from zoo.
Again?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
