he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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