College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
