Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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