My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
