Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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