PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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