everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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