see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
