Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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