u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
