can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
