OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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