You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
