sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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