Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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