if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
