There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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