Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
