i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I love having hate sex.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
