I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
