Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize