is your mom at the bar?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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