Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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