Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Is it penis luge time yet?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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