maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize