I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
