i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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