You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
