Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
