we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
