how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
