Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
nutella sex= disaster
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
