Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
