my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
