Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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