Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
