omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
