Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
a search helicopter?!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
