Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
