her vagine was all disorganized.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
