somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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