walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
