Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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