Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
