Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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