I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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