Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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