Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
